Funny Thread
http://www.600rr.net/vb/showthread.php?t=26595&page=1&highlight=served
I though this was a funny thread started by a fellow rider on the west coast.
posted by 2and2dogs @ 6/30/2005 01:05:00 PM
Thursday, June 30, 2005
I though this was a funny thread started by a fellow rider on the west coast.
3 Comments:
Thanks Paolo. I enjoyed your post. But if you don't mind, allow me to contribute a bit more. I got this from my collection of really old files and if I remember it right, Michael (Cabotaje) first gave this to me. I added a few more in the course of time (but which ones I added, I don't remember either):
"YOU KNOW YOU'RE A FILIPINO,...":
001 If you have a "barrel man" in your house, you may be Filipino...(you
know, the wooden man...when you lift up the barrel----schwing!!!)...
002 If you wash your clothes by hand, you might be Filipino...
003 If you use walis tambo and walis ting-ting, you just might be a Filipino...
004 If you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room, you're a Filipino...
005 If you have a very good sense of maniana habit, you might be a Filipino...
006 If you smoke in your house...
007 If you put up your knee while eating...
008 If you eat kanin and ulam using your hand...
009 If you are pakialamero...
010 If you say Sugarol, babaero at tumador...
011 If you are chismosa...
012 If you say “Comfort Room” instead of “Rest Room”...
013 If you say “For Take Out” instead of “To-go”...
014 If you point with your lips, then you might be a Filipino...
015 If you say open or close the lights, then you might be a Filipino...
016 If you nod upwards to greet someone, you might be a Filipino...
017 If your nickname is "Boy", you might be a Filipino...
018 If you ask for a Colgate instead of a toothpaste, you might be a Filipino...
019 If you say "Canteen" instead of “cafeteria,” then you must be Filipino
020 If you eat half-hatched duck eggs...
021 If you call it a "ballpoint" or “ballpen" , not a "pen"...
022 If you eat your soup straight from the bowl (no spoon necessary)...
023 If you pronounce the word ALREADY as OLREYDI, you might be a Filipino...
024 If you say, Kodakan, instead of take pictures, you might be a Filipino...
025 If you do "mano po" to older people in the house you're about to enter...
026 If you refer to your refrigerator as "pridyider"...
027 If your grandma smiles and her teeth are all red because of "nga-nga"...
028 If you say "pliers" when you meant "fliers"...
029 If you say "bitch" when you meant "beach"...
030 If you pronounce "hippopotamus" and "comfortable" in a funny way...
031 If you say "Boose" for "bus"...
032 If you cover your sofa with bright red and green blankets...
033 If you have a Last Supper quilt (or a wooden sculpture)tacked on your dining wall
034 If your "walking doll" is still new even though it was bought 15 years ago because your mom kept it in the china cabinet and never let you play with it...
035 If you drive a Mercedes-Benz with maroon seat covers...
036 If you hang a rosary on the rear view mirror of your car...
037 If you have a Santo Nino shrine in your living room...
038 If you buy the karaoke system first before the stereo and TV...
039 If you have an out of tune piano and nobody in the family ever learned to play...
040 If you know what "chocolate meat" is...
041 Kung may tabo sa kanilang mga kubeta, Pilipino ka....
042 If you say chok-o-late...
043 If you have a "Weapons of Moroland" shield...
044 If you didn't hear or understand something and your first expression is "HA?"...
045 If you're standing next to 8 big boxes at the airport...
046 If you say 'hoy' to get someone's attention...
047 If you like peanut butter with chocolate...
048 If you make para on a bus...
049 If your car chirps like a bird when it's in reverse...
050 If you car horn can make three or more different sounds, chances are good, you're Filipino...
051 If you turn around when you hear somebody say "psssst"...
052 If you instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal...
053 If you order the langunisa meal on a PAL Balikbayan flight...
054 If you laugh seeing somebody slip...
055 If you burp when you're busog(-or after sipping a beer),..
056 If you call somebody "psssst”...
057 If you smile/grin a lot even for no reason...
058 If you choose "thousand island" salad dressing...
059 If you're stumped when asked "How you doin'?"...
060 If, when asked "How was your weekend?, you answered back by telling them what you did that weekend...
061 If when you sit by squatting down and leaning your elbows on your knees...
062 If you use a Bolo to cut the grass in the yard...
063 If you spend 3/4 of your spare time playing basketball...
064 If you refer to kerosene as "white gas"...
065 If there are 2-3 pairs of flip flops outside your door...
066 If you have power failures every day at the same time that you can set your watch to...
067 If your biggest frying pan is shaped like a wok...
068 If you own both a rice cooker, and an air pot...
069 If you refer to "Accent" and all other forms of monosodium glutamate as "Ajinomoto"...
070 If you go to a department store, and try to bargain the price...
071 If you drink with your friends and share the same glass, and pass it around...
072 If you have a cartful of corned beef during a sale...
073 If you say kutex instead of nail polish...
074 If you are stomped when asked what kind of bread in a deli, you might be a Filipino who just flew in.
075 If you are hesitant to buy a coke because it costs 50c x 20 pesos, you are a Filipino who just arrived.
076 If you miss an umbrella during a hot summer day...
077 If you call the waiter 'boss' or 'brad' in the restaurant , you're probably a Filipino...
Also, when the waiter brings you food you didn't order, even when there are two waiters per table, you're probably among Filipinos.
078 If you the plane passenger with the biggest hand-carry luggage...
079 If you scratch your head when you don't know what you're doing...
080 If you don't want to eat the last piece of food on the plate, but offer it to others...
081 When you're in Europe for the first time and you think that all Westerners smell, then you're probably a Filipino (who has regular showers)...
082 If you know what D.O.M., K.S.P. and T.N.T. mean, then you're probably Filipino....
083 When you put up a sign in your restaurant, saying 'no undershirts and sandals’...
084 If you burn your trash in the back yard...
085 If you go to a bowling alley anywhere on this planet and see a group of guys playing pusoy...
086 If you hold your picnic in the park under the trees while others are basking under the full glory of the summer sun...
087 If you say 'for a while' instead of 'please hold’ while I get the person on the telephone ...
088 If you "open the light" and "open the TV", you are as Filipino as ERAP...
089 If you add an "H" in your name (where it shouldn't be)... example: JHUN, MHIKE, KHEN...
090 If you smoke "Blue Seal" and eat "Tasty" bread... you're definitely not Danish!
091 If you say "she" when you should say "he" or vice versa...
092 If you say "ano" this and "ano" that...
093 If you put your hands together and point them in the direction you are walking to pass between other people...
094 If you turned your garage into a weld shop for making wrought iron gates...
095 If you wear your fancy clothes and jewelry when you go back to the Philippines...
096 If you start speaking your language and then catch yourself when you realize that the person you are talking to gives you a blank stare...
097 If you answer the phone and the voice squeaks "Philippines calling for [your name], will you accept the charges?"...
098 If you say that everybody is your cousin/niece/nephew/aunt/uncle/...
099 If you have a big Buddha at home for good luck( not the serene Buddha like what the Thais have, but the big, fat, laughing one with those pesky little kids crawling all over him)...
100 If somebody flashes the victory sign, and you think that he or she is a fan of 'Ate Vi'...
101 If you bring a "baon" to work everyday, you're probably a Filipino.
102 If when drinking with friends, everyone relishes the food by sharing the same fork, everyone in that table is a Filipino...
103 If your ice cold beer really has ice cubes in it...
104 If you eat balut and wash it down with beer to bulk up (damn the high blood pressure)...
105 If you have a ruler sticking out of your gas tank...
106 If you have those air fresheners in the bottle...
107 If your favorite candy is Choc-Nut...
108 If you use patis bottles as water containers and store them in the pridyider...
109 If you have a parol hanging outside your house during the Christmas holidays...
110 If you say things sorta backwards like towelpaper instead of papertowel and stick bread instead of breadsticks...
111 If you say guper instead of gopher(the "PH" sound doesn't exist)...
112 If you eat rice for breakfast, lunch or dinner...
113 If you say "aray" instead of "ouch %$!@" when you get hurt...
114 If you look up and say "ha!" when somebody says "what's up"...
115 If you enjoy telling jokes about being a Filipino...
116 If you write "Filipino" but pronounce it as "Pilipino"...
117 If you can sustain jokes like this one indefinitely...
118 If you often say 'Bulaga!' when you want to scare someone?..
119 If you call Mercedes Benz cars 'chiding'...
120 If your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on a Sunday morning..
121 If you go to the streets during the coup d'etat just for the hell of it...
122 If you fire your gun like crazy on new year's eve...
123 If you drive a jeep with your family name written on the back...
124 If you have one of those 'footsteps in the sands' posters in your room...
125 If you like everything that's imported...
126 If you precede anything pluralized with "mga"...
127 If you have a jar of bagoong on your prigider door...
128 If you dare come up with an explanation for everything because you do not want to say 'I do not know!'.
129 If you put a little bowl of patis on the table for dipping, and your guests complain "who farted"...
130 If you work like a dog as an OCW, and are still willing to pay outrageous sums for 'made-in-USA' Levi's jeans.
131 If you cover your living room furniture with bed sheets (vinyl covers in P.I.)...
132 If you have toyo circles on your table cloths (also applies to other Asian-Pacific peoples)...
133 If you wash and reuse disposable Styrofoam cups, forks and spoons and of course, aluminum wrapper (or do they call them Reynolds wrap) or cover paper plates with waxed paper so you can reuse it..
134 If you cover your carpet floors with plastic liners, you might be Filipino...
135 If the first thing you do when you buy clothes, towels, etc., is look at the label to see where it was made...
136 If your favorite dessert is halo-halo or your favorite candy is called Rabbit...
137 If you eat with a fork and a spoon...
138 If you can easily handle your steak with just fork and spoon (no knife)...
139 If you refer to your jeep as ONER (owner)...
140 If your favorite restaurant needs no menu (just point) then you’re a Filipino and the restaurant is Filipino owned...
141 If you eat your fruit (usually banana) with rice...
142 If you flood your rice with soup or if you save your soup for last...
143 If you can survive with just rice and catsup (or patis, or asin, or even condensed milk) whenever you’re feeling lazy to cook a meal...
144 If your nickname is Boy, Boyet, Baby, Toto or Nene...
145 If you require your children to end every sentence with either “Dad” or “Mom” when they talk to you...
146 If you hate a wiggly and curled index finger gesturing at you come close...
147 If your own gesture to call someone to come close looks like goodbye to a stranger...
148 If you feel guilty calling someone who is old enough to be your parent by his/her first name...
149 If you cringe when called by your first name by someone young enough to be your kid...
150 If you honk to warn the other driver before crossing an intersection...
151 If you honk your horn at a pedestrian to allow her/him to cross the road and wonder why he gives you the finger...
152 If you need pulutan to drink your beer..
153 If you refer to your briefs as ‘jockey’ or your sleeveless shirt as ‘boxer’...
154 If human bodily functions or human parts are a rich source of your homegrown jokes...
155 If your jokes about bodily functions and parts are well accepted by your group, you are among an all- Filipino group...
156 If you are blissfully unaware or just don’t care about political correctness...
157 If you feel compelled to remove your shoes at the door...
158 If you do 157, you are probably about to enter a Filipino-owned house...
159 If you are the only Chinese-looking fellow in a Chinese restaurant who is not using chopsticks...
160 If your snack consists of leftover rice and ulam...
161 If your Christmas tree is up and fully decorated by Thanksgiving Day...
162 If your Christmas gifts come from Ninong not Santa...
163 If you always have pansit on your birthday party...
164 If only bare bones remain after you finish with your fish or chicken...
165 If you love to eat lamang-loob...
166 If you eat banana sandwich...
167 If you say “shit” instead of “sheet”...
168 If in an all-you-can-eat restaurant, you go straight to the main entree...
169 If in a buffet restaurant, you try your best (or worst) to get your money’s worth (damn the diet)...
170 If in a Chinese buffet, you occasionally slip an eggroll into your pocket...
171 If you leave a gathering with a small packet of food, you may be a Filipino or your host is one...
172
P.S. to the one above: I have just read this file again after so many years. The errors (spelling, grammar and otherwise) were embedded and I never really bothered to edit it. It just adds to the fun, I think; which leads me to this: "If you commit so many errors when trying to communicate in English, you must be a Filipino, (if not an American.)
Very funny 'Nong. That's quite a library you got there. Some of them I couldn't relate to 'cause I didn't know what they were. I've found that there are a good number of Filipinos on my forum, most of them are on the west coast.
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